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- Chuyện Vui GÐNN

- A New English Language

- Study case about marriage

- Resignation

- Haiku

- Simple life

- For the garden of your daily living

- In an Irish Mental Institution

- Men and Women

 


Chuyện Vui GÐNN

 

Sau khi ra mắt được hơn một tháng, GÐNN nhận được thư của thân hữu Duong Thuy Lan viết:

Duong Thuy Lan Rduong@abracon.com NN Sai Gon Ngu Nghiep Khoa 14 1972-1978 USA California Torrance Gioi thieu Torrance, 11/7/01 

Rat nguong phuc web site cua ban. Rat thiet tha duoc gap lai tat ca ban cu khap noi. Hy vong chung ta van nam chat vong tay de xay dung Alumni Association cua DHNN. 

Than

Sau khi hội thảo qua nhiều email, GÐNN đề nghị chị Gia trả lời vì chị Gia là phái nữ duy nhất trong Ban Sáng Lập và cùng phái nữ thì dễ nói chuyện hơn. Chị Gia vừa gởi email đi thì hôm sau nhận được email trả lời:

HI...
Sorry, and la anh khong phai Chi. Vi khong bo dau tren E-Mail, nen kho nhan ra. Thank you for your introduction and keep in touch.

Best regards,

RichardLDuong
Engineering Manager
E-Mail: Rduong@abracon.com

 

A NEW ENGLISH LANGUAGE

(Euro-English)

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 fewer letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!

(Contributed by NVH)

STUDY CASES ABOUT MARRIAGE

CASE # 1
Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had  ordered that.

CASE # 2
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? " The other replied, "Yes, I am. I married  the wrong man."

CASE # 3
Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he is finished.

CASE # 4
Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her  master's status.

CASE # 5
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married??" And the father replied,  "I don't know son, I'm still paying for  it."

CASE # 6
Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad : "That happens in most  countries, son."

CASE # 7
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."

CASE # 8
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

CASE # 9
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

CASE # 10
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.  In the second year, the woman speaks and the  man listens. In the third year, they both  speak and the neighbors listen.

CASE # 11
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."  And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love  and didn't notice it."

CASE # 12
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified : "Wife wanted". The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing "You can have  mine."

CASE # 13
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or his wife is new.

CASE # 14
A woman was telling her friend : "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before  you married him?" the
friend asked. The woman replied, "A multimillionaire."


RESIGNATION

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.
      
I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.

All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So . . . here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.

And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause........
......"Tag! You're it."
   


HAIKU

 

  Yesterday it worked

  Today it is not working

  Windows is like that

    - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

  A file that big?

  It might be very useful.

  But now it is gone. 

   - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

  The Web site you seek

  cannot be located but

  endless others exist

    - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

  Chaos reigns within.

  Reflect, repent, and reboot.

  Order shall return.

    - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

  ABORTED effort:

  Close all that you have.

  You ask way too much.

    - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

  First snow, then silence.

  This thousand dollar screen dies

  so beautifully.

    - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

  With searching comes loss

  and the presence of absence:

  "My Novel" not found.

    - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

  The Tao that is seen

  Is not the true Tao, until

  You bring fresh toner.

     - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

  Stay the patient course

  Of little worth is your ire

  The network is down

    - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

  A crash reduces

  your expensive computer

  to a simple stone.

    - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

  Three things are certain:

  Death, taxes, and lost data.

  Guess which has occurred.

    - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

  You step in the stream,

  but the water has moved on.

  This page is not here.

    - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

  Out of memory.

  We wish to hold the whole sky,

  But we never will.

    - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

  Having been erased,

  The document you're seeking

  Must now be retyped.

    - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

  Rather than a beep

  Or a rude error message,

  These words: "File not found."

    - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

  Serious error.

  All shortcuts have disappeared.

  Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

     - - - - - - - - - - - -

 


SIMPLE LIFE

The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.  Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna.  The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, only a little while.

The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish?

The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's  immediate needs.

The American then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time?

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, senor."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you.  You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angles and eventually New York City where you wil run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "15-20 years."

But what then, senor?

The American laughed and said that's the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.

Millions, senor?  Then what?

The American said, "Then you would retire.  Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."


FOR THE GARDEN OF YOUR DAILY LIVING

        PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:
        1.  Peace of mind
        2.  Peace of heart
        3.  Peace of soul

        PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:
        1.  Squash gossip
        2.  Squash indifference
        3.  Squash grumbling
        4.  Squash selfishness

        PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:
        1.  Lettuce be faithful
        2.  Lettuce be kind
        3.  Lettuce be patient
        4.  Lettuce really love one another

        NO GARDEN WITHOUT TURNIPS:
        1.  Turnip for meetings
        2.  Turnip for service
        3.  Turnip to help one another

TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:
        1.  Thyme for each other
        2.  Thyme for family
        3.  Thyme for friends

WATER FREELY WITH PATIENCE AND CULTIVATE WITH LOVE THERE IS MUCH FRUIT IN YOUR GARDEN BECAUSE YOU ...REAP WHAT YOU SOW.


In an Irish Mental Institution

In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave.

This year the two lucky gents were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for his questioning. When Patty came into the office he was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor.

"Patty you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin.

Patty nodded and the doctor began to question him. The first question was this. "Patty if I was to poke out one of your eyes what would happen?"

"I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought.

"What would happen if I poked out the other eye?"

"I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that he had just gotten his freedom. The doctor then sent him outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files.

When Patty got into the waiting room however, he told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?"

"I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told. This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking.

"Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?"

"I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed.

But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."


Men and Women

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try understand her at all.

Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
 
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
 
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument
.